Gintama - 190.ass (DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES)
Happy New Year!
With our movie coming up during Golden Week this year...
[Note: Scheduled for a 4/24 release date in Japan.]
We'll be working even harder!
So when you watch Gintama this year...
Make sure the room is well-lit and don't sit too close to the TV!
What is this?
Have you ever seen cats mate?
When I was little, I innocently told Sis to "carry me like the cats are doing"
which made for a traumatizing, awkward moment.
Sounds more puma than trauma.
Nah, I'd say margay.
So did you know?
Male cats have a thorn down there. A thorn.
Man, that's crazy stuff.
Seriously, if I'm reincarnated, I'd better not be a cat.
Like you have any other use for it besides peeing while standing.
Huh?
The cats are running away...
That's...
Ragged ears...
And its size...
Hoichi!
The boss cat of Kabukicho, Hoichi!
Our target has arrived!
Don't rush me...!
Look, you've made me get it on my hands...
Pachi-boy, it's going for bait.
Damn misbehaving cat!
Ah! It got us!
Gin-san! Hurry after Hoichi!
Can you hear me?!
Gin-san!
Hey, get a hold of yourself.
A new face, huh?
Why are cats talking?
Am I dreaming?
I'm all dizzy.
If you don't feel well, get a drink of water.
I'll do that.
Hey, where's the water?
Right over there.
Huh?
Are you toying with me?
Drink that dirty water?
Don't assume I'm like you strays...
Huh?
What is this...?
Only trying to help.
Some attitude.
What's with him?
Why do I have to be such an ugly cat?!
["When Looking for Something, Try Using its Perspective."]
That's odd. Where did Gin-san go?
He's probably off balling or ballsing.
You're still chasing that cat?
You can't even catch a cat?
That makes you less useful than a plastic bottle.
What was that?!
Want me to tell you how useful plastic bottles can be, you damn cat burglar?!
That's wrong! You're using it wrong!
Still, the cats in this town have a tendency to misbehave.
They've been growing in numbers, and I've heard about pets being injured,
parrots being eaten, and fish being stolen.
So neighborhood association people are taking steps to prevent any more strays...
Hand over your balls.
Neutering?
Yes.
They're catching strays in Kabukicho and neutering them.
But the members aren't able to handle Hoichi.
Sheesh, you were the ones who left the cats to become strays.
The world would be better off if we started neutering humans.
Could you hold off on the Human Memberality Project until I've actually gotten to use mine?
But we can't ignore it.
The king of Kabukicho strays, Hoichi.
Violent and wily...
I've heard that it's bitten large dogs to death
and injured children...
Did you see it happen?
No, but I'm sure of it after seeing how he moved today.
You sure about that?
I don't think he's as bad as everyone makes him out to be.
There it is!
Damn misbehaving cat!
Hand over your balls!
I-it's Hoichi!
Whatcha doing, kid?
You wanna lose your balls?
Wait up!
You're a vagabond?
Kid, I'll tell you the rules here.
There are no good cats here.
Ask for help and nobody will even budge.
But you saved me.
Every cat that's lost its balls becomes soft.
It wouldn't be any fun to fight a weakling!
Hoichi's beating up on another newbie.
If he doesn't put up a fight, he'll be chased out of town.
I wonder if the vagabond will be able to stay.
What kinda moves were those?
You wanna die?
Wait! I was just turned into a cat!
My synchronization ratio isn't enough to control it, believe it!
A pussy like you can't survive in this town!
Scram!
H-He's standing!
He's standing upright!
Teach me the rules of this town?
My history in this town...
And my history of eating left over food...
...dwarfs yours!
What's your name?
Gintoki Sakata...
Too long.
Gin will do.
Make sure you don't get your balls taken.
H-Hey!
Hold on...
Amazing! You're amazing!
That made Hoichi look bad!
Gin, you have a chance of defeating Hoichi and taking over as boss!
We're sick of his oppression!
Why are you all celebrating?!
Stop it!
What are you doing?!
Don't sniff my ass!
Huh? What's that?
What? Arms crossed?
I'll get to the point.
You aren't a cat, are you?
I don't wanna hear that from someone walking on two legs!
Did you do something here?
Huh?
What if I did?
The owner of this property is a kind person who feeds the stray cats.
The cats gather here for that reason.
This grave was made by the kind owner in memory of the strays who have died.
Hundreds of cat souls rest beneath this ground.
I'll ask you again.
Did you do something?
I took a piss...
Hey! So I ended up like this because of a cat curse?!
That's impossible!
The impossible has already happened to us.
Us?
Don't tell me that you also took a piss here.
Not a piss, a dump.
You're Zura?!
You took a dump out here?!
Could you consider the image you're supposed to have?!
Seriously, man. You have no fear.
A warrior must be prepared to do his business in any place at any time.
Anyone who takes a dump on a grave can't be considered a warrior!
I was drawn in by the sweet scent of paws, but I didn't expect a trap...
You brought this on yourself!
But as a result, I was able to evade the Shinsengumi's pursuit.
A fortunate turn of events, or as they say, shit happens.
Hey! Someone shove a stick of dynamite up his ass!
Why did this happen?!
I should have ignored Katsura!
If I look like this, Otae-san and Toshi and Sogo
won't realize it's me!
Why a gorilla?!
Kondo, you were also cursed?
What?! You can recognize me?!
That voice...!
I'm so glad to have a buddy!
I don't care if you're Katsura!
I see!
You were also bitten by a weird gorilla...
No! You're the only one who was involved in a Spider-Man-esque incident!
The owner's a kind person.
There's probably a stray gorilla around...
What the hell is a stray gorilla?! I've never seen one before!
What do we do?
How do we return to normal?!
And I had to be stuck with these useless idiots!
We were cursed for disturbing the grave. If we restore it...
Restore it?
What, are you going to shove your own dump back in there?!
For now, let's dig up the dump I buried.
Screw that!
It's your own dump!
You take responsibility!
If I return to normal, I won't give you any help.
I feel sick...
Why are you adding more?!
Sh-Shoot!
My feline instincts...
I didn't expect my cat synchronization ratio to rise meow.
Don't meow!
It appears that my transformation into a cat is advancing meow.
Hey, stop it.
That meow really pisses me off! It isn't cute!
You're a hopeless bunch.
I'll handle this.
Philippines bananas and Taiwan bananas!
Which do you want?!
Make up your mind by the time I return!
It doesn't look like he's ever turning back.
There now.
Come here, kitties.
Eat your fill.
What's wrong?
Are you sleepy?
There, sleep tight.
We appreciate your cooperation.
They really take to you.
I feel sorry for them, but this is for their own safety.
Please be gentle with them.
Don't worry.
We'll release them once they're neutered.
So they successfully brought the owner to their side...
Drugging our food...
Damn cowardly humans...
You're also a human.
I'll never trust humans again!
Humans around the world are after our bananas!
I'll hunt their bananas first, then!
Nobody's after your dirty banana!
Man...
Why are they collecting cat balls?
Are they trying to summon Shenlong or something?
[Note: The wish-granting dragon from the manga Dragon Ball.]
I haven't had anything to eat for a day.
My tail is starting to look like a frankfurter.
We'll have to forget about returning to normal for now and focus on securing food meow.
Hey, I told you to stop meowing.
How are we supposed to secure food baboo?
Hey, cut that out already.
Hunt down some mice
or beg humans for food meow.
Th-That's not funny baboo!
How could a samurai behave like that?!
I'd rather die than be domesticated baboo!
Then die.
Ho-Hoichi!
Your pride won't do you any good when you're trying to make it in this place.
The only pride you need here is the pride to survive.
If you have the guts to live, follow me.
Hey, where are you going?
Is it safe to wander around here?
Does he intend to teach us how to hunt?
Why would he do that?
He's a violent bastard that attacked me the second I turned into a cat.
I received the same treatment, but something about it bothered me.
I don't believe he was entirely serious.
Fact is, every newbie has been attacked,
but none have been seriously injured.
He stops once you've shown you're brave enough to stand firm...
Ooh! It's a parade of cats!
Oh? Why if it isn't Hoichi?
What? Are you going somewhere with your friends?
Oryo, you know him?
It's a stray that often comes here for food.
Wh-What the hell?!
They love him?!
When he's old?!
When he's so ugly?!
Listen up, fellas.
You have to be selective when begging for food.
Young girls make great targets.
They gush over anything cute,
and they think of themselves as cute when they fawn over animals.
Lonely-looking young men will also work.
As well as curious, snot-nosed kids.
Once you find a target, suck up.
Act cute.
Got it?
It's all in how you act.
Aim for the ugly-cute.
Ugly cute?!
Such a mythical style actually exists in the animal world?!
I'll do it! I'll give it a shot!
This may be where I truly belong!
Well?
Ugly-cute? Gross-cute?
Ugly-gross.
You have no chance.
Your ugly factor is too strong.
Any half-assed measures will only make it worse.
Only piss people off.
What was that?!
Don't mess with gorillas!
Do you know the gorilla's scientific name?!
It's "Gorilla gorilla gorilla"!
It's gorilla all the way!
A reincarnation ring of gorilla!
Please help me!
Calm down, Gorilla gorilla gorilla.
We'll be shot down if we act individually.
Have you heard of the show "Shimura Zoo"?
The one with a chimpanzee walking a dog around.
We'll go with the gorilla-cat version.
Operation Gorilla Shimura Guerrilla.
I see!
Then call Ken Shimura here at once!
[Note: Veteran Japanese Comedian, also the host of "Shimura Zoo".]
Got it! I'm off to Higashimurayama!
[Note: Ken Shimura once covered a song based on the city of Higashimurayama.]
Hey! This has nothing to do with that Shimura!
The audience will be moved when they see Shimura, Emperor of the Skit, laugh and cry!
That would be Operation Shimura Lachryma Ooh-La-La!
Hey, here comes the next sucker.
What?
That's right.
And Gin-san hasn't returned yet.
Knowing him, he's probably off somewhere hammered.
There's no need to worry.
A-A different Shimura showed up!
This is bad.
Hey, Gorilla Shimura Godzilla is here.
Let's pull back!
No! Otae-san might be able to recognize us!
Hey, stupid!
The leash from Operation Shimura is still...!
Otae-san! It's me! Me!
Kondo!
My, what is that?
Cats are walking a gorilla!
Stupid-cute!
Usually, gorillas are smarter than cats.
A gorilla would walk a cat.
But this gorilla is amazing!
Amazingly stupid!
Stupid-cute!
St-Stupid-cute?
What is this?
How stupid is he?
Did he run away from a mental zoo?
There, there.
Otae-san...
That Otae-san...
...is petting my head!
I'm so glad I was born a gorilla!
Uh, you aren't a gorilla.
There isn't time to celebrate.
Beg for food.
Who needs food?!
This memory will last me a lifetime!
Shut up!
Just get us food!
Kyu-chan, it looks like they're hungry.
Do you have anything?
Unfortunately, right now...
I only have a boneless ham on me.
That'll do! We don't need anything else!
Give! Give to us!
And why is she walking around with a huge chunk of meat?!
Is she headed for Castlevania?!
I see, you only have a boneless ham.
Guess we can't do anything then.
Sorry, I only have a boneless ham on me.
I'll bring something better next time.
Huh?!
Hey, wait!
I said that it'll do!
Where are you going to use that ham if not here?!
Kyu-chan, we should get going.
Sorry about bothering you to fix my TV.
It's nothing.
I just have to give it a good smack with this boneless ham.
Do you really have to use a boneless ham for that?!
Sorry.
A boneless ham has too much salt so it wouldn't be healthy.
It's okay! Don't worry about that!
Instead, here's something I made.
This looks 100 times more unhealthy!
Goddamn it!
The woman dangled a ham before us before leaving us with this dark matter!
Left us with this huge piece of shit!
Operation Shimura with the shitmura.
Hey, bring the leash!
We'll turn this guy into ham!
There! Take that!
Wait, look over there!
S-Sorry...
Keep this a secret from Otae-chan.
K-Kyubei-kun...
Did you change your mind and bring the ham...?
She took the dark matter with her!
She's eating it?!
She's gonna eat it?!
She really loves Otae, huh?!
Unbelievable...
All this effort and we still can't secure food...
This is the world of stray cats in Kabukicho...?
Don't start sobbing after failing one hunt.
Tail up and stare straight ahead.
Look.
Isn't that Sogo?!
Is he looking for me?
Sorry about making you worry!
Ah, he looked over here.
He keeps glancing over here.
He blushed?
Huh? What?
He likes cats?
Does he like cats?
No, he likes gorillas.
The sight of a gorilla must have reminded him of how I'm missing.
Ah. Isn't that a sausage?
Shinsengumi sausage!
My favorite Shinsengumi sausage!
No, that isn't your sausage!
It's my favorite Shinsengumi sausage!
Bastard! How can you say that when you're in the Anti-Foreigner Faction?!
That sausage is only for Shinsengumi members!
Fool! You are no longer a member of the Shinsengumi!
You're just a Gorilla gorilla gorilla!
Don't use the scientific name!
Want me to kill you?!
Bastard! Why are you begging by yourself?!
I'm the one who gets to beg!
Hey! Are you really in the Anti-Foreigner Faction?!
Shut up!
I am now Katsura katsura katsura!
No, you're Katsura!
Let me go!
The sausage is mine!
No, it's mine!
Huh? What are you doing?
Hey, would you also consider the thing hanging from his crotch a sausage?
What are you talking about?
That's clearly a sausage!
Damn kid!
I'll neuter you!
Wait! There's another target over there!
Th-That's!
I-Isn't that Toshi?!
He keeps glancing over here.
What? It's creeping me out.
He pulled something out.
Kondo-san, Kondo-san.
Can I ask you something?
What?
What's he doing?
What is that?
Huh?
Does he want to be killed?
Huh? I don't want that crap!
Do you want us to kill you?!
Why are you showing it off?! Pisses me off!
He thinks we want some?! Pisses me off!
Toshi! Please stop!
It's embarrassing!
Embarrassing for me, too!
I can't take this anymore!
Ah! Wait!
Huh? What are you doing?
What the hell are you doing?!
I'll kill you! I'll definitely kill you!
Forgive him!
He's not used to this!
He's not used to this kind of thing!
He thinks that everyone in the world loves mayonnaise!
Calm down and move on to the next target!
Okay? Let's move on!
Hey.
Just kidding.
Keep it a secret.
Let's hunt him.
Nothing to show for a whole day of work.
We don't have the talent to be strays.
Who wants to have that talent?
You give up on turning back to normal?
Oh?
Hey, what are you doing, Master Hoichi?
So much for that. I'll show you my special place for food.
Hmm?
Hey... This is...
Oh? Here's a rare visit.
How many years has it been, Hoichi?
O-Old hag...?!
[To Be Continued]
[Preview]
What are we supposed to do?!
We're still going to be cats next week?!
Okay!
Next week, we'll immediately search for the gorilla that bit me...
No, that doesn't matter meow.
Huh?
The next episode...
"Freedom Means to Live True to Yourself, not Without Law!"
[The stray cats, having been trapped by Hoichi, stage a coup. Then, a mysterious figure emerges from within the plot to neuter the cats...]
[Fun fact: The scientific name of the Western Lowland Gorilla is "Gorilla gorilla gorilla."]
[See you next time.]